


downright stupid hot

by sunsetveins



Category: Cobra Starship, Fall Out Boy, My Chemical Romance, Panic! at the Disco, The Academy Is..., Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Child Abuse, Depression, Homophobia, Homophobic Language, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Mormonism, Multi, Non-Graphic Violence, Past Character Death, Past Relationship(s), Past Sexual Abuse, Religion, Self-Harm, Substance Abuse, Suicide, Suicide Attempt, beebo's parents guys, despite how many sexual references are in this there will be no smut, i probs butcher the mormon religion bc im atheist af, ill add more as it goes on, im not sure but some of them will probably be in college or something, that would be tyler and josh, tyler is dead im just going to go ahead and tell you, you find out in the second chapter anyway
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-09-24
Updated: 2016-09-24
Packaged: 2018-08-17 03:13:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8128147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunsetveins/pseuds/sunsetveins
Summary: Meeting Ryan Ross was the biggest mistake of Brendon's young life, or so his parents say. Brendon thinks they just hate how Ryan brought him to life in a way that he hadn't been in a long time. 
Or, Brendon meets Ryan through the stories he writes about his friends. This might be the best thing to happen to him in a while.





	1. the beauty of summer

**Author's Note:**

> i can't promise that i'll update regularly, because i know that i won't. but i'll try my best. 
> 
> warnings at the end if you need them

Summer feels a thousand times hotter when you don't go outside at all, apparently. Brendon makes note of this at 2 a.m. somewhere near the middle of June but not quite out of "the beginning" yet. He's sweaty and the covers make his skin itch and absolutely nothing is as bright as his laptop screen appears to be.

He wants to blame the shitty fan spinning uselessly above him, or maybe even the ventilation system that doesn't know how to cool his room and only his room, but in all honesty it's probably the contents of his phone's secret library that he lets no one ever see. It's probably the ache in his wrist and the saltiness still lingering in the air. It's probably him and his head and his entirely overactive imagination. His inablity to keep still. It's probably all of that instead of the things he tells his Mormon parents. 

(If they knew, oh if they knew. Brendon can already hear the startled gasps, the silent but judging looks, and the whispers in the night with hissed "sin" and mumbled "he's our son." He can hear their denial and feel the knocking on his bedroom door echoing down his spine. "Brendon, it's Sunday. Please, Brendon. Brendon, your mother and I only want you to realize how your life has derailed. Brendon, we love you. Brendon.")

Nonetheless, no matter the fault, he is sweaty and it's so very hot. He can't keep still and the burn of his laptop on his lap hurts like no other when mixed with the sweat and the too sticky bed sheets that are only wrapped around one leg and barely cover down to his ankle. 

He tries to focus on his screen, blinking several times and mouthing words over and over again as he types them. He needs to finish this story. Absolutely needs to. 

Except, he suddenly can't remember why he cares to finish it. 

And so he doesn't. Instead, he opens a new tab and tries to squint as he types in a URL. Tumblr comes up and everything shifts into focus. The darkened edges make things easier and the screen doesn't quite resemble the sun so closely anymore.

He spends five minutes scrolling, but when he looks at the clock it says that it's nearly 6 a.m. 

He hears a shift outside his bedroom. A groan and a padding of feet. It's Sunday.

He has thirty minutes until they come and knock, knock and croon in sickly sweet voices that "Brendon, sweetie, it's Sunday. Wake up, sunshine."

Oh holy fucking shit, what is he going to do.

Church is bad enough when you know for a fact that you believe fuck all that they're going on about, but when you've had no sleep? Might as well call Satan up and have him come and fuck you before you've even had your morning dose of caffeine. It probably feels about the same.

(Brendon would know. He had this boyfriend two years ago that used to stay the night because Brendon's parents thought they were best friends and that Brendon was finally finding a way to fit in with his peers. His name was Ronnie and, holy shit, was he a horny man-kid.)

Brendon doesn't know what to do, but he clicks his laptop shut and reaches for his phone as he cocoons himself in his covers. He's still sweaty in uncomfortable ways, and he's pretty sure his thighs have burn marks seared into them, but his parents can never know that Brendon doesn't sleep in flannel pants and a t-shirt. Never.

He wants to sleep, but he knows he'll be so tired he'll fall over if he does that. If he can stay awake, he can probably make it through the next few hours and pass out once he gets home. 

Oh, the beauty of summer.

So, with little strength but strong determination, Brendon unlocks his phone and scrolls through his notifications to occupy himself until his parents decide to "wake him up."

This is when he notices that someone has commented on one of his stories. 

This is when, against all odds, Brendon Urie meets the biggest mistake of his young life.

(or so his parents call him.)

(Brendon likes to call him Ryan Ross.)


	2. behind the sea

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> prettyinpete: 'what's your name?'
> 
> ryrocean: 'ryan. ryan ross.'

ryrocean: 'oh my holy sweet mother of sin did you just seriously have pete call that kid lunchbox???? who even are these people, i refuse to believe you made these characters up all on your own. no one in their right mind would have a character call their love interest lunchbox. fml'

prettyinpete: 'you think pete is in love with patrick?'

Brendon is so elated that he can hardly breathe. It doesn't matter that this kid, whoever he is, has commented like three hundred times and it's nearing 7:30 and he's having to tune out an old guy singing about hallelujah and squares. It doesn't matter, because this kid sees that Pete and Patrick are in love and they've only just met and just fucking wait until he tells Gerard about this, oh sweet hell.

ryrocean: 'i mean, pete wrote that essay about him and basically every song he's written since lunchbox was like "thanks, pete" has been about him so... i just assumed??? am i wrong???'

Brendon might just be in love. He is winning so much money right now. The act of it brings him more joy than anything, because it's almost a rebellion. The people around him would probably throw up if they knew Brendon was actively winning money at right that very moment. Truthfully, he's surprised this place hasn't went up in flames yet with how much sin Brendon walks in with every single time he's forced to come.

(He doesn't think of that time Ronnie wanted to tie Brendon down and force him to break apart. He absolutely doesn't. This is a holy place and he has very holy thoughts, okay?)

prettyinpete: 'no, you aren't wrong. i'm just surprised anyone picked it up so quickly, is all.'

So. Much. Money.

"Brendon," his mother hisses from beside of him, jabbing her elbow into his side, "put your phone away." 

He does, very slowly and very reluctantly, put his phone away. His fingers itch to pull it back out every time he feels it vibrate, knowing the kid is probably commenting more and replying to Brendon's own replies. 

This is the longest service of all time, Brendon is pretty sure.

"We are seeing a change in society-" Fuck no.

This sentence is always the beginning of hell on earth for Brendon, because it's the weekly spiel about how God is against Brendon and everything about him is riddled with sin and all of his friends are going to hell and yeah, you see where this is going.

It's the anti-pride parade, basically.

He looks over at his parents every time he hears this speech. And, to his horror, they're always nodding along with faces of disgust. They're disgusted by him. 

He's not even sure that hurts, though. He's not sure it hurts because they're disgusted by him. He thinks it hurts because when he sees those looks, he sees Pete's hopelessness and smeared poetry. He sees the bruises on Patrick's collarbones. He sees Gerard's tortured expression and the angry way he paints the darkness and the blackness that he sees all around him. He sees William and the awkward way he fidgets with his sleeves and he can hear the way William's breathing speeds up to impossible levels when Gabe brushes hands with him in the hallway. He sees Josh, Josh who is always so sad and alone and broken because Tyler is gone and Tyler has been gone for so long. It hurts because the people he loves, the people he'd die for, they have all been hurt by those very same looks and it would destroy him to subject them to any more of it. To have his parents, the people who love him as he isn't because they just don't know any better, look down on the people he likes to call his family? It would break him. It would break them.  
He loves them and he can't hurt them. He could never hurt them.

It's nearing 8 a.m. He hasn't slept. It's too early for this.

 

-

 

He sleeps until 8 at night and when he wakes up, the first thing he notices is that his phone is blinking at him.

That, and his parents had come in at some point and turned his TV off. Bless them.

He stretches and feels very satisfied with every pop his bones make. He eventually falls back onto the bed, boneless and blurry eyed. His arm, the only limb he can bring himself to lift, twists awkwardly as he pats the bed to find where his phone is. 

Once it's in his hands, he blinks away the sleep and unlocks it to notification after notification telling him that "ryrocean" has commented on his stories.

The comments range from things like:

ryrocean: 'gerard is so interesting and intellectual. holy fuck. can i kiss him? fuck him? cuddle him? he needs love and i need to give it to him. it's like my sole purpose in this life.'

To things like:

ryrocean: 'if pETE AND LUNCHBOX DON'T GET THEIR HEADS IN THE GAME AND FUCKING FUCK ALREADY THEN I SWEAR I WILL BURN THIS CITY DOWN JUST TO SHOW THEM THE LIGHTS THAT ARE FUCKING SPELLING THEIR ATTRACTION OUT FOR THEM FIGHT ME'

Needless to say, Brendon was endlessly entertained.

He responded to some of the comments as he read them, but soon he got into them and forgot he was supposed to be replying. Brendon doesn't really recall the last time he'd been so flattered and amused at the same exact time.

The comments were all pretty golden, but Brendon has a favorite. He knows this the moment he reads it. 

It's an inline comment.

\- Josh feels that the space between himself and Tyler is far too large, and with that he knows that there's only one solution. He steps, one step and then another, until he and Tyler are chest to chest and he can feel the uneven way that Tyler is breathing right down to his core. The air is hot, and maybe he could've chosen a better time than when Tyler has on a ski mask and his hands are black with paint he's somehow also gotten onto his neck, but he feels like waiting another second would be a crime. So he grabs Tyler by his blackened neck, pulling him down until Josh's lips slot with Tyler's and Josh can feel the material of the mask pushing onto his nose and chin. He loves Tyler. He pours that into his every movement. He feels Tyler grab onto Josh's upper arms and dig his fingers into his biceps as he kisses back just as desperatley as he had been singing a few moments before. Josh thinks that means "I love you, too." - 

ryrocean: that was so beautiful and i think that i might be in love with everything that they are holy shit. like, i can feel tyler's desperation right down to my core and josh just wants tyler so much and there is absolutely nothing he can do to show tyler that but kiss him with everything he has so tyler can feel that there are all types of love in the world and josh is willing to try and give him every bit that he can that the rest of the world tried to keep away from him and i just really love these two and if they're real and out there, i hope they last forever'

It's his favorite for a lot of reasons. Some bittersweet and some just from memories he'd been trying to forget. The comment kind of reminds him of what Josh and Tyler actually were. They were a forever kind of thing and Josh did try to give Tyler every single ounce of love that had been kept away from him for so long. Tyler was so desperate with everything that he did. Always tried so hard and wanted to be everything that he wasn't yet. Josh wanted Tyler. Wanted Tyler to be his and to be okay and to be able to breathe without feeling like the world was trying to crush him. They were real and they were forever until they weren't anymore.

He cries. Brendon will never tell anyone, but he breaks down and he cries. 

Then he types a reply, because he can't just not.

prettyinpete: 'tyler used to sing josh to sleep every night. now patrick stays the night and curls himself around him until josh can breathe again. personally, i don't think it works. patrick is big in ways that tyler was not. small in ways tyler could never have been. his voice is too soul and not enough gasping nightmares. patrick sings to break free while tyler sung to hold on. they aren't the same. i would be able to tell the difference.'

ryrocean: 'sometimes it's not the similarities that keep you breathing, but the sharp contrast that keeps your head above water'

Brendon had never thought of it that way.

prettyinpete: 'what's your name?'

ryrocean: 'ryan. ryan ross.'

prettyinpete: 'well, ryan ross, i'm brendon urie. and i want to be your friend.'

ryrocean: 'okay, but you're going to have to meet me behind the sea.'

prettyinpete: 'i don't think i understand'

It takes around twenty minutes for Ryan to reply. In this time, Brendon has found himself writing a new story and making plans in his head for how he's going to go about collecting his money from Gerard. He's in the middle of texting him when his phone dings with the notification.

ryrocean: 'trust me, you'll understand someday'

**Author's Note:**

> Warnings: This will feature several forms of abuse, most of which are listed below. I'll update this if any more occur.
> 
> Child Abuse, Substance Abuse, Sexual Abuse, Verbal Abuse, Physical Abuse, etc.
> 
> There will be themes of depression, self harm, suicide, anxiety, and types of PTSD. 
> 
> There might be themes of an abusive relationship, but this is not tagged yet as I have not written it. If it comes to play, then this will be tagged. 
> 
> Homophobia plays a major part in this story, mostly in the form of the character's parents and classmates. There's also a showcasing of homophobia as it relates to certain religions.


End file.
